18 5 / 2013
krwebb asked: "Tuesday I get his paw" ?
I have foxey and danzigs paw prints tattooed on my shoulder. On Tuesday I’m going to get buddy’s paw tattooed on my wrist where he used to lay it.
18 5 / 2013
We decided to get buddy cremated. The vet called me after work and told me we could pick him up. My baby is home. We expected it to be on Monday that we could pick him up. I’m happy he is home but I’m upset that I’m carrying my baby in a fucking canister! I drove with him on my lap where he always sat. It’s been such an emotional day. I couldn’t be home alone because I hated the silence. Then I learned I got into the program I wanted, I was so happy! I needed good news then the vet called. Dave and I are in shock. Foxey and Danzig perked up when i asked Dave if we could pick him up. I’m happy my baby is home. Tuesday I get his paw and he will forever be with me. Till then I will remember and picture him part of me.
17 5 / 2013
Tonight Dave asked me how I am handling this all so well. I’m not, I’m absolutely destroyed but I see how much he is hurting and I’m trying to keep it together. I cry when I’m alone or he isn’t around. I have noticed that our other two don’t have much life in them. We both would’ve given up everything we have to save him. Honestly I miss everything about him. I miss the things that used to frustrate me and all the little things he did. I miss looking down and seeing his little face watching me with curiosity, even if it was something I did everyday. I miss wondering who tore what up in the house or hearing a welcoming bark when I come home. I miss him scratching on the couch and running in a circle. I miss the noises he used to make and waking up with him sleeping on my head. The life has seemed to sucked out of all of us. Dave and I hate to be home without each other. When we are home together we try to keep to our normal routine for the other two but it always settles in and one of us breaks. I carry his favorite toy with me in my purse and Dave has his collar. Neither of us know what to do because we cannot explain what happened. We took a chance on a puppy and planned on giving him the best life we could. We know we did our best while we had him but we wonder what we could’ve done to prevent this. Our family is broken and empty, we saw the joy he brought but didn’t expect him to be gone so soon. I wish we could have him back and everything to be okay. I know that isn’t possible but I miss him more then I can explain. I know we all need time but at the same time we need to be strong and bring the life back into this family not only for ourselves but also for Foxey and Danzig. I can’t wait to bring his ashes home and to get his paw print. I feel like I am a zombie right now. No one can or ever will replace him, even if we get another puppy.
16 5 / 2013
15 5 / 2013
Today has probably been the worst day I could remember. I couldn’t talk to anyone without crying. All I could remember was doing CPR on my baby, hoping I could save him. My heart is heavy. I watch foxey and how she won’t come near anyone and Danzig and how he’s trying to make us all feel better. He tried to play with foxey and she turns away. He tries to comfort me and my boyfriend and we just cry harder. All of our heart are broken. We lost a huge part of our family and we all feel lost. Dave has tried to be strong for me but I see buddy’s collar on his wrist and I know a part of him has died just like a part of me has. He’s going on every walk with me and talking to the guys. The hardest part is we can’t stop our normal routine and let ourselves grieve because no matter what we have to take care of foxey and Danzig. Today my heart is heavy, it feels like a part of it has been taken out of my chest and I will never get it back. He was a special dog who wanted to know and love everyone. He bonded with every person and dog he came in contact with. I love my little buddy guy and I feel time will not heal this. I will never get that image out of my head. I love you buddy and tomorrow you would’ve been 11 months. I will forever miss your smile.
14 5 / 2013